


a restless ocean

by soundsandsweetairs



Series: all the daughters [2]
Category: Muppet Treasure Island (1996), Treasure Island - Robert Louis Stevenson
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Genderswap, Post-Canon, Rule 63, extremely tender and EXTREMELY self-indulgent tbh, references to period-typical misogyny but nothing too bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29865915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundsandsweetairs/pseuds/soundsandsweetairs
Summary: She cursed the men aboard the ship: the boatswain who had discovered her secret, the captain who had put his foot down at having a woman on board, the crewmates she had once called friends who hadn’t raised a finger on her behalf. They were all bastards, every last one.At her life's low point, Jim encounters Johanna Silver again and joins her smuggling crew.Technically a sequel toall the daughters of my father's house, though I don't think it's necessary to read that one first.
Relationships: Jim Hawkins/John Silver (Treasure Island), Jim Hawkins/Long John Silver (Muppets)
Series: all the daughters [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195754
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	a restless ocean

Jim stumbled out of the tavern and into the seedy alleyway. The buildings loomed over her, an aggressive press of stone and grime in her peripheral vision. Or maybe it was the drink, making her think that the city had a life of its own. The scent of salt was still thick in the air this close to the docks. She leant dizzily against the wall. It had been a while since she’d been this drunk, the whiskey and rum and god-knows-what-else sloshing in her belly and going to her head. 

The humidity sweating on the stone was a cool relief, at least, when she pressed her temple against it. Where could she go? She had naught but what she could carry in her pockets when she’d been unceremoniously dumped from the ship that had been her home, her family, and her reason these past four years. Her coffers might have been full back in Bristol, but here in San Juan, she was on her own. 

She cursed the men aboard the ship: the boatswain who had discovered her secret, the captain who had put his foot down at having a woman on board, the crewmates she had once called friends who hadn’t raised a finger on her behalf. They were all bastards, every last one. And now she had nothing and no one; her sailing career, such that it was, unceremoniously ended. 

She wandered down the street, hand braced against the wall, feet trudging in an uneven pattern. The next block was even dingier than the last — the smell of cheap liquor and unwashed bodies overpowering, the sounds spilling out of the brothels and public houses raucous. 

At least, with her shorn hair and man’s clothing, no one looked at her twice. She blushed at the shrill calls from women leaning out of the upper balconies, breasts on display and grins wide and leering. Jim focused her eyes on the ground in front of her and concentrated on walking in a straight line. 

A burst of noise and yellow light overflowed from a doorway just ahead, and she blinked blearily. Another tavern, even louder and dirtier. Maybe one more drink would make her forget her cares. 

Jim staggered through the crowded room to find an open seat at the counter. Everything was bright and deafening. She shouted to order. The barkeeper gave her a doubtful frown. “You sure that’s a good idea, sir?”

Jim slid a coin across the bar. “I’m good for it.”

“Your funeral.” A pint of beer, looking like piss in the lamplight, appeared in front of her. Jim could see dirty fingerprints on the glass. The drink was weak and bitter when Jim swallowed it down; it wouldn’t do much to wipe away the reason she was drinking tonight to begin with. 

Someone slid into the seat next to her. Jim didn’t bother looking over. 

“Alright there?”

Jim grunted, still staring down at her hands. She felt the stranger edge closer.

“Why— be that little Jim Hawkins? What are you doing here?”

The inquiring voice sounded familiar. Jim glanced over and felt her stomach lurch. Johanna Silver’s wily, smirking face peered down at her.

Horror washed over Jim. It couldn’t be. Silver was… gone, she must be, long gone. Jim had been sure she would never see her again. And yet, though Jim rubbed at her eyes to attempt to clear the mirage, Silver was still there, her grin nearly glowing in the orange light from the lanterns.

Jim’s head swam, and she was sick all over the bar.

——

The room was swaying. Jim pressed her forehead into the pillow — which was surprisingly soft, she noted — and groaned. She didn’t think she’d ever felt such a driving pain in her head, as if someone was hammering nails directly into her temple. Her stomach roiled unpleasantly, and her mouth tasted sour. How much had she drunk last night, anyway? Everything was a blurry mess in her memory. 

After several long minutes of allowing herself to languish in agony, Jim turned her attention to her surroundings. The familiar sound of the waves and the sharp tang of salt in the air sent a jolt through her body. Was she on a ship? And how on earth did she get there?

At least the room was dim when she cracked open her eyes — and, yes, this was unmistakably a captain’s cabin, with a sturdy desk, and lanterns swinging from the boards overhead. What was Jim doing in a captain’s berth?

Her gaze finally came to rest on the other occupant of the cabin, sprawling in a chair, grimy coat flung over her shoulders, and the previous night came roaring back. The tavern— and the many rounds of liquor— and _Silver._

Silver noticed Jim’s gaze on her and cackled at the look on her face. “Welcome back to the land of the living, Jim! Weren’t in the best condition when I found you last night, now, were you?”

Jim groaned into the pillow. _Anything but this._ “What are you _doing_ here? Why did you bring me to your ship?”

Silver’s body language was almost insultingly casual as she propped an elbow on the table. “In all honesty, lass, you were in a bad way last night. Couldn’t very well leave you there, could I?” She cocked her head. ”What had you so maudlin? You had the look of someone trying to drown their sorrows, if I’ve ever seen it.”

Jim glowered. “None of your business.”

The smile on Silver’s face had an edge to it. “Well, I’ve made it my business, though. Can’t have you all weepin’ and moanin’ aboard my ship! It’ll put my crew off their suppers.”

Jim turned towards her in alarm. “Who says I’m staying?”

“We’ve already left port — not much of a choice!”

Jim jolted upright, wincing at the pain in her head. “You can’t— you can’t kidnap me!”

Silver put on a faux-insulted face. “Kidnap? Ah, that’s a harsh word. Once this job is done, we’ll drop you off anywhere you like, that’s a promise from me to you. Meanwhile you can make yourself useful around the ship, eh?”

Jim glared at her as she turned the idea over in her mind. She had spent all these years hating Silver, their time on the _Hispaniola_ forever present in her mind, but what were her other options, really? Go back to drinking herself into a stupor in an ale house ashore? Sign aboard another ship, and pray that _this time_ she wouldn’t be discovered? At least Silver already knew her — her sex wouldn’t have to be a secret here. 

She pressed her lips together. _Might as well ask._ “What is the job you’re doing?”

“Just a bit of trade, that’s all. Smuggling, some might call it, but what be a few laws and regulations when you’ve got a fast ship and friends in the right places?”

Jim looked balefully over at her. Silver’s grin was victorious; she knew she’d won.

Silver stood, levering herself up on her crutch. “I’ll just let you freshen up, Jim — come find me on deck and we’ll put you to work. Welcome to the _Devil’s Reward.”_ The door thudded shut behind her. Jim flopped back and glared up at the overhead.

After a few more minutes lying in bed and bemoaning the state of her life, and after a drink of blessedly-fresh water, Jim made her way onto the main deck. The ship was a small one, and there were only a few deckhands about, manning the helm and keeping a look out aloft. Still, she seemed in good enough repair, and Jim felt her mood lift at the movement of the water under them. The air was fresh with the breeze out of San Juan’s port.

Being aboard a ship had always felt like home; in all the frustration and anger of her last voyage, she’d almost forgotten. It was a joy to climb aloft and feel the wind move her as she clung to the rigging, to feel her muscles strain as she pulled at the lines to adjust the sails, to explore the small crew quarters packed tight with hammocks and personal effects. When the bell rang for the end of the watch, her body was loose with the pleasant exhaustion that came from a full day’s work under the blazing sun. She stretched and yawned as she made her way back towards the captain’s cabin. 

Jim knocked on the cabin door. “Come in!” Silver called from inside.

Jim peered in. Silver was leaning over the large table at the centre of the cabin, looking intently at a map spread across it. A moment of dizziness swept over Jim at Silver’s incongruous combination of men and women’s clothing — captain’s coat over her stays, the shadow of her bust under her shirt, trousers flapping about her legs. Jim blinked. “I’ve just come to collect my things. I’ll find a spot in the fo’c’sle for a hammock.”

Silver glanced towards her. “You can set up here, if you like. String up your hammock in the corner.”

Jim looked at her in surprise. “Oh! Er, you don’t have to— that is, I’m happy to go elsewhere. You want your space, surely—”

Silver waved her off. “There be little enough room aboard; it’s no bother to have you stay here. Make yourself comfortable, as much as you can.”

Jim was taken by surprise at the kindness of the gesture. “Well, thank you.”

Jim collected her belongings, meagre though they were, and unpacked her hammock, aware all the while of Silver behind her. She hadn’t expected her to be so… accommodating, considering the terms on which they’d last parted. It almost made Jim want to drop her guard, foolish though she knew that was. Still, she welcomed the thawing of their relations. _Maybe this will be alright after all,_ she hoped.

——

The days went by quickly aboard the _Reward_ , and soon they were well on their way, passing the islands of the Bahamas. The voyage had been fair and easy so far; Jim had sailed enough in these waters — and experienced enough of the area’s storms — that she appreciated their luck. 

One evening, after her watch, Jim found Silver at the stern of the ship, her silhouette unmistakable under the bright light of the nearly-full moon. Jim sidled up next to her. Silver’s eyes crinkled when she looked over. 

They stood there in silence for long minutes. The repetitive sound of the waves and the warmth of Silver’s shoulder next to hers had Jim feeling contemplative. She closed her eyes. 

“You were right.” The words escaped from somewhere deep in Jim’s chest.

She felt more than saw Silver look over towards her. “Hm?”

“Aboard the _Hispaniola._ What you said to me about not having a place to go back to. I don’t belong anywhere. I’ve spent the last ten years trying to make myself fit somewhere that doesn’t want me. I should have listened to you then.” It felt like a confession — an ugly, humiliating one. 

Silver sighed. “Oh, Jim. I were bitter and cruel, when I said that to you. Of course there’s a place for you — here, or somewhere else.”

“I don’t know how to find it.” Polaris beamed down upon them. Jim had always set her course by it, as if being able to pick out north would help her find her way in the confusing mess that her life had become. 

Silver put a tentative, warm hand on Jim’s back. “Well. You stay right here with me, then, until you do.”

Jim let out a great sobbing breath. The stars blurred with her tears. Silver tucked Jim’s face into her shoulder, hands smoothing over her back and neck as Jim shook with sobs.

“Shh, shh, lass, you’re alright.” Silver’s warm, musky scent filled Jim’s lungs as she gasped and trembled.

Silver’s wiry fingers pressed soothingly at the nape of Jim’s neck as she held her. 

After a moment, Silver started humming something low and soothing, as one might sing to calm a frightened animal. Jim couldn’t pick out the tune, but she found herself settling. Her hands came up to rest at Silver’s waist, fingers curling into the fabric of her shirt. 

After a few minutes, rocking in Silver’s embrace, Jim pulled back and wiped at her face with her sleeve. “Thanks. Sorry, Christ, I’m a wreck.”

“Oh, Jim.” Silver’s eyes were kind and worried, the creases around them deep. She smoothed her thumb over Jim’s cheek. “You think I haven’t had the same awful thoughts, many a time over my life, creeping in just when everything seems to be going right? It be a battle. _Always_ a battle. And yet, look at us, eking out something of our own, no mind to what any man says.”

Silver leant back over the rail, peering out over the dark sea. Their shoulders were pressed together. Silver took Jim’s hand in her own. Jim felt the spark of it trace all the way down her body. She felt on the edge of some revelation, something monumental that she wouldn’t be able to come back from. 

“How do you do it?”

“Hm.” Silver sent her a conspiratorial smile. “Sheer guts and will, most days? More than my fair share of hard-headedness?” She shook her head. Jim was transfixed by the way the moonlight caught the planes of her face. “After Treasure Island, I promised myself I’d give up the sea — that it didn’t want me, so I’d find myself something else.” She laughed. “As though I could be happy, anywhere but here! There be a call in it, something strong and deep.”

Jim nodded. “That’s how I feel, too. But it’s been so difficult.” The tears threatened to come back. Jim dashed a hand at her face. 

“That it be. But you get some friends around yourself you can trust, and you just keep trying — that’s all it is.” Her cool pragmatism was comforting, Jim thought, strange as that sounded. Silver had been through hell and back, lost more than most people ever would, and yet her life philosophy was straightforward — cutthroat at times, certainly, but still reasonable to consider. 

_I’ve changed so much from that little girl I was aboard the Hispaniola,_ she mused. _I was so certain, so righteous, and now here I am, taking advice from a pirate!_

It was confusing, but Jim found herself consoled anyway. “Thank you.”

Silver inclined her head. They stood there, stars shining down upon them, as the _Reward_ sailed onward into the night. 

——

Jim was down in the galley, peeling potatoes and wishing for a cool breeze, when she heard a commotion up on deck. She exchanged a worried glance with the ship’s cook. The voyage had been gratifyingly peaceful so far. Jim didn’t like the sound of the shouting that was coming from above.

They emerged on deck to find a crewman, Jack Rutland, kneeling by the mainmast, surrounded by the rest of the crew. Silver was glaring down from the quarterdeck. Her voice rang out across the deck. “Stealing rum! How dare you.”

Another crew member spoke up. “From the looks of the stores, he’s been sneaking it the entire voyage.”

Silver’s face had grown terrifying. _“The entire voyage?”_ Her voice was full of brimstone and fire. “Did you not find your regular ration sufficient? I haven’t heard complaints from your fellow crew members.” She waved her hand wildly at the rest of the crew, who shrunk back. “Will we even be able to make a profit on this run, with our cargo so depleted?”

Jim felt a chill go through her at the look on Silver’s face. This was the ruthless woman she remembered from all those years ago.

Silver paced back and forth before them. There was something theatrical in the rhythm of her crutch thudding on the deck, and in the way her coat swirled behind her as she moved. She was almost spitting. “What to do with you? I most certainly don’t want this kind of thieving skullduggery aboard any ship of mine.” 

She called for a map to be brought. Someone scurried to the captain’s cabin and returned, spreading the map over the rail.

Silver sneered as her eyes traced over the parchment. Finally, her finger stabbed at a spot on the map. “There. A little uninhabited island just ahead, not much out of our way — that be an opportune place to drop you, I think.” Jim could see poor Rutland trembling. Marooning was almost certainly a death sentence. An uninhabited island, a flask of water, and a pistol with a single shot — every sailor Jim knew was deadly afraid of the cruel punishment. 

“It’s not even far off the trade routes; there’s a chance someone might find you. You be lucky, I’d say.” She looked between the crew members, as if daring anyone to object to her methods. Dead silence rang through the ship. No one seemed eager to argue on the guilty man’s behalf; from what Jim understood, he was a recent addition to the crew, and not well-liked. And no one wanted to cross Silver, not when she was in this mood. 

She turned on her heel with a flashy wave of her hand. “Lock him up below until we reach a place to leave him. Someone go take stock of our cargo.” She stormed into her cabin, slamming the door behind her. 

The crew glanced between each other, nervous. “I’ll see to the stores,” Jim offered.

The hold was dark and crowded. Jim quickly identified the affected crates, which were gaping open. Rutland hadn’t even tried to hide the evidence of his theft, had he? She sorted through the bottles, pulling out the empty ones. Luckily, most of the crates didn’t appear to be touched. She breathed a sigh of relief. It was better news than she might have hoped. 

Jim went up to the cabin to make a report on the status of the cargo to Silver. She was seated at her desk, glaring into space, though she snapped to attention when Jim entered. Jim described the state of the stores. Silver nodded in return, then cocked her head at Jim. “Going to lecture me about how I discipline my crew, are you? Too harsh, I be?”

“I wasn’t going to say any such thing.” Jim had no interest in arguing with her, though she’d entered the cabin with some vague idea of trying to plead leniency for Rutland. 

“Mm-hm.” Silver put on a mock-apologetic tone. “You know, Jim, that if I didn’t crack the whip, it’d be chaos on this ship. This crew needs a firm hand above all else.” She slammed her palm down on the desk.

Jim gave her a sharp look. “A firm hand? I think you just like to be feared.”

Silver raised an eyebrow. “Oh?” She leant forward in her chair, hands flexing on the edge of the table. The look on her face had become dark, manic and teasing. “And is Miss Hawkins _afraid_ of me?”

“No.” Jim’s cheeks were warm. It wasn’t fear twisting in her gut, not exactly.

Silver’s eyes raked over her. “Hm. Perhaps you should be.” Jim felt an odd tension stirring in her, but she stared Silver down. After a moment, Silver threw her head back in laughter, and the curious mood in the cabin broke. “Or perhaps not! You’ve got nerve, lass, I’ll give you that.”

Jim found that she’d been holding her breath. She let it out on a shaky laugh. “If you think that you can scare me, after all I’ve seen, you’ll find that you’re wrong.”

Silver’s smile creased into something soft. The confusing feeling was still writhing in Jim’s stomach. “Ah, you know me too well, Jim.”

Jim was out of kilter at how quickly Silver could go from ruthless to gentle. Which was her true face? Jim had never been sure. 

Silver’s eyes were still on her. Jim found to her dismay that she was blushing. “I— I’m still on watch. I need to go.” Jim gestured jerkily towards the door. 

“Off with you, then.” Silver slouched back into her chair. Was that a knowing glint in her eye? Jim hurried out of the cabin, unsure how their conversation had veered so quickly from what she had expected. She felt so… on edge around Silver. 

And going back to work in the galley didn’t help direct her mind elsewhere, for it was the place on a ship that always made her think of Silver, think of how much she’d learnt from her and how badly she’d been hurt by her. It was perfect, somehow, that she’d ended up here; even when absent, Silver had always played an outsize role in Jim’s life, and in how she thought of herself.

Jim sighed and returned her attention to the counter she was scrubbing. Her heart was pulling her in so many different directions, and she didn’t know what to do.

——

Jim woke one morning, after the marooning, to the rustle of Silver moving about the cabin. It was early yet; the morning sun was dim through the small windows. She peered across the room to see Silver, shirtless and leaning against the desk, washing at a small basin. Jim felt her mouth go dry as the cloth left a shine of water over Silver’s neck and shoulder. She ran the rag under the curve of her breast and scrubbed at the shadow of dark hair under her arm.

Jim dug her nails into her palm and looked away from the stretch of Silver’s back, the ridges of her spine as it dipped under her loose trousers. It had been so easy, living around men most of her life, to forget how her body _reacted_ to women. How something deep in her hungered for— she didn’t even know what. The intimacy of this close proximity to Silver was overwhelming. 

Silver had always seemed unreachable to Jim — she was so fierce, so sharp and clever, that the idea of finding any kind of companionship with her had been laughable. But here in her cabin (—here with Jim, something in her whispered—) Silver seemed softer, vulnerable almost. Jim glanced back across the room. As Silver stretched to pick up her shirt, she could see the years in her body, the scattering of moles across her back, the way her shoulder blades moved under her skin. Jim ached for her. 

It was a mistake, allowing these feelings to develop; she knew that. Silver had always only been out for herself, Jim was still clinging to a moral compass that seemed to grow unsteadier by the day, and regardless, Silver likely had no interest in a confused girl half her age who was drifting aimlessly through life. 

And yet here Jim was, on her way to becoming an outlaw herself, willingly aiding on a smuggling run — which in truth didn’t feel much different than any other merchant voyage she’d ever been on. Stranger things could happen — _had_ happened, in Jim’s own life. 

She sighed and manoeuvred herself onto her other side in her hammock, so that she was staring at the boards of the hull instead of Silver’s back. Her feelings felt too enormous for her body to contain. She closed her eyes and tried to get back to sleep before she was on watch again. 

——

At last, they reached the coast of Virginia. The ship anchored not far from the hidden cove where they were to meet their contacts when night fell. Anticipation was thick in the air, even though the crew was seasoned and had made this same trip many times. 

Once the sun had set, they loaded up the jollyboat with the crates of liquor. Jim was among those who would go to rendezvous on shore; Silver had decided that she could be trusted to help transport their valuable cargo. Jim planned to give her no reason to regret that decision. 

The oars splashed quietly as they sliced through the coastal waters, boat riding low in the water with the heavy crates. Ahead of them, two lanterns swung from the posts of a lonely dock. Their light was dampened by the thick blanket of fog that swirled around the boat and pooled on the shore. Reeds and marsh grasses grew where the water was shallow, and Jim could hear the sound of insects buzzing through the brush as they drew near the small spit of land. 

Jim felt her gut jump in excitement and something akin to fear as a few shadowy figures emerged from the gloom. The risk was low, she knew that, but the back of her neck prickled.

The boat bumped against the pier, and the smugglers, dressed in plain, dark clothing, tied off the lines. Everyone leapt into action. Jim’s arms strained as she helped lift the heavy crates from the boat to the shore. The smugglers were a quiet but friendly bunch, and they worked diligently to unload the cargo. They didn’t seem surprised to see a woman in the crew — one benefit to working on Silver’s ship, Jim supposed.

The work was physically taxing but repetitive. Finally, they had moved all the crates onto the dock and money had exchanged hands. The smugglers tipped their hats to the crew of the _Reward,_ and then they were on their way back across the water.

Jim took a deep breath as she climbed back aboard the ship and they pulled away from the cove. They’d done it! She stood at the stern and watched the reddish glow of the lanterns grow distant in the foggy air.

Silver approached, her uneven tread now familiar. Jim glanced over and smiled at her. Silver leant against the rail next to Jim. “First smuggling run. Any regrets?”

Jim bit her lip on a smile and shook her head. “It was exciting.”

Silver’s eyes lit. A grin spread across her face. “Knew I’d get you.”

Jim basked in the warmth of her smile, then looked back out across the water. After all this time, here they were, the two of them making their own way. Jim could no longer pretend to be unaffected by Silver’s presence, nor did she want to, she realised. She summoned up all the bravery in her heart. “I never could resist you.” 

She heard Silver inhale on a hiss and glanced back over. The admission hung in the air between them. Silver’s gaze was wondering. She cocked her head. Jim saw the flash of her tongue as she wet her lips. “Jim—”

Jim crept her hand forward on the rail. Her fingers brushed against Silver’s; it was as if a spark travelled up her arm.

Silver’s other hand came up to Jim’s cheek. Jim’s whole body yearned towards her.

Silver glanced across the deck. “Come down to the cabin with me?”

Jim nodded. She didn’t think she could trust her voice. Silver had a wild, disbelieving look in her eye.

It was like a dream: Silver’s hand on the back of her neck, their unsteady journey belowdecks, the smell of the sea thick in Jim’s lungs, everything in her singing some previously-unknown melody.

Silver pressed her up against the cabin door once they were inside, one hand on Jim’s face, the crutch caging her in. Her breath was hot on Jim’s face, and suddenly they were kissing. It was better than anything Jim could have imagined — the firm press of Silver’s lips, the teasing swipes of her tongue. Jim brought a hand up to Silver’s jaw and reciprocated as best she could. She felt ravenous for Silver’s mouth and for the feeling of her body pressing Jim against the door, and Silver seemed to feel the same. 

Her hand traced down from Jim’s neck to her breast, a path that set Jim alight. She gasped out a breath against Silver’s lips. Her own hands were tentative, fluttering around Silver’s shoulders. 

Silver seemed to pick up the tension in Jim’s body language, because she backed off slightly and moved her hand to safer territory. “You alright, lass?”

Jim swallowed and thudded her head back against the cabin door. “Yes. I just haven’t— I haven’t done this before.” She looked away in embarrassment. 

Silver’s brow quirked in surprise. “No?”

Jim worried at her lip with her teeth and shook her head. “I’ve been hiding so long, and with my— my inclinations, I haven’t had the opportunity with— with anyone…”

When Jim flickered her gaze to Silver, she had an uncharacteristically tentative look on her face. Jim finished in a mumble and could feel her cheeks reddening. She looked away again, pretending to be suddenly very interested in the lantern near the cabin door. Had she just scared Silver off?

Silver tucked Jim’s hair behind her ear. The touch was calming, at least a little. “Look at me, hm?” She nudged Jim’s chin with her finger. Jim reluctantly met her eyes. “Should we stop?”

“No! No. Just — slow, maybe?” She cringed at her awkward words. “Sorry.”

“That I can do, lass.” Her grin turned wicked and her voice dipped low. Jim could feel it rumble all through her body. “Little Jim Hawkins, asking me to go gentle with her? That be no hardship.” 

Jim flushed and sent her a tentative smile. “I trust you,” she whispered.

Silver looked rather stunned at her words. She shook her head. “More fool you.” She landed another soft kiss on Jim’s lips. They stood there for a while longer, Silver’s mouth and hands soothing, until Jim’s heart felt a bit less like it was going to beat out of her chest. 

Silver pulled back with a wink that made Jim’s stomach swoop. She limped over to the berth and sat, stowing her crutch on the deck. “C’mere then, Jim.” She held out her hand. 

Oh, Jim wanted her. Wanted this. She stumbled out of her boots and climbed in next to Silver. 

“Nothin’ you don’t want now, alright? You just say the word if you want ol’ Johanna to stop.” Her hands were steady over Jim’s shoulders, her neck, brushing their way up to her face. Jim nodded. 

“Good girl.” Silver’s face was so close, and then her lips were on Jim’s again, a gentle inquiry. Jim felt herself relax into the kiss. Silver’s mouth was soft but thorough. Lord above, Jim wanted to stay here forever: the dim warmth of the cabin around them, Silver’s tender attentions making her feel things she’d never felt before. 

One of Silver’s hands drifted down to Jim’s waist, where it played with the fabric of her shirt until it had come untucked. She slipped a finger underneath, against Jim’s skin. Jim trembled. Silver’s mouth trailed down to Jim’s jaw, where her teeth found a spot just under her ear that made Jim squirm. 

Silver’s hand slid around to Jim’s stomach. Her nails scraped along her skin. Jim gasped and clutched at Silver’s shoulder. “Oh—”

“Alright?” Silver lifted her head from where she’d been lavishing kisses on Jim’s neck and looked at her with her brows curved in a question. 

“Yes— that’s lovely. Please don’t stop.” Jim moved restlessly against her.

Silver’s smile was sharp. “Oh, you’re so good for me, Jim.” Her calloused fingers rubbed across Jim’s ribs. Jim was all shivers. How did Silver know just how to touch her, to make her feel like this?

Silver’s hands slid higher under Jim’s shirt and brushed at the underside of Jim’s breasts.

“May I take this off?” Jim gulped at the raw hunger in her eyes and nodded. 

She helped Silver pull the shirt over her head, all gooseflesh. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had seen her shirtless — not since she was a child, surely. She blushed at the dark, heavy-lidded look that Silver was giving her and resisted the urge to cross her arms over herself. 

Silver reached for Jim’s waist again as she pulled her back in for another kiss, and then it seemed her hands were everywhere — on Jim’s stomach, her breasts, her neck. Jim gasped against her mouth. Her skin felt unbelievably sensitive where Silver touched her. Jim’s fingers quivered their way to Silver’s waist, where they fumbled over her stays. 

“Unlace me?” Silver murmured against her mouth. Jim nodded.

Silver turned her back to Jim and pulled her mass of dark hair aside. Jim was overcome with the urge to put her mouth to the spot where Silver’s neck and shoulder met, so she did. Silver hummed in response.

“I want you so terribly,” Jim confessed, quiet against her skin. 

Her hands ran down Silver’s back, unknotting the laces and loosening her stays. She could feel Silver breathing, the in and out of her rib cage under Jim’s hands. Jim could never think of her as fragile, but that was how she seemed now, with her breaths coming evenly and the soft skin at the back of her neck exposed. 

Silver stretched as she removed her shirt. She turned back to Jim, whose eyes couldn’t help but run over her. Silver’s breasts and stomach were pale where they had been hidden under her clothing. Jim’s hands traced up her sides and over her breasts. Silver breathed out in a gasp.

“Is that alright?”

“More than alright, lass.” Silver brought her hand up to cover Jim’s own and leant in to kiss her again. 

It was overwhelming but so utterly thrilling to be here, touching Silver like this. Only in Jim’s most secret imaginings could she have dreamt of such a thing. 

Silver pressed Jim back into the berth. Her teeth scraped over Jim’s neck. The feeling of Silver’s bare skin, sliding against her own, made Jim shiver. They kissed lazily for long moments as Jim grew more confident. Her hands explored the long stretch of Silver’s skin and slipped timidly beneath the waistband of her trousers, which made Silver grin in delight. 

Jim could feel heat growing between her legs, a dull ache that made her tremble. Her hips moved of their own accord when Silver did something clever with her teeth at Jim’s neck. 

“Hm, like that, do you?” Jim nodded, and Silver bit her again. 

She nudged her leg between Jim’s thighs, and Jim let out a low, shuddering moan. She was desperate, desperate for this thing she hadn’t known she’d been missing. _“Please—_ Johanna, Christ—”

Silver ran a hand over Jim’s arse, pulling her into closer contact with Silver’s thigh. Jim couldn’t help but move against her. She could feel Silver smiling against her jaw.

Silver murmured praise as her fingers made short work of the buttons on Jim’s trousers. She slipped her hand in and— _there._ Jim gasped as Silver touched her with her deft, calloused fingers. She clutched at Silver’s side, hard enough to bruise. 

Silver’s voice was rough. “There you go, love, you’re doing so well.”

It was a wild hurricane, it was the rotation of the stars around Polaris, it was the unknown depths of the ocean. Jim’s world had narrowed to the places they were touching, the rhythm of Silver’s hand. She wasn’t sure how much time passed; the moments stretched into a long blissful haze as Silver stroked at her. She brought Jim to a peak, whispering praise all the while, and Jim groaned and panted and squeezed her eyes shut until she could take no more. 

Afterwards, Jim’s whole body was limp and shivery. Silver was still pressed in a warm line against her. Her fingers were damp where they rested at Jim’s waist. Jim felt as though she’d been remade, as if her skin and muscle and bone were new, brought to life by Silver’s touch.

Silver brushed a kiss at Jim’s temple. “Gorgeous, lass.”

Jim blushed and turned her face into the pillow. Silver rubbed her hand along Jim’s side, a calming motion. Jim breathed. Her pulse slowed to something approaching normal. She was thankful for Silver’s grounding presence next to her.

After a moment, Jim gathered her courage. “May I— May I touch you?” 

Silver’s voice was throaty. “Oh, Jim, I wish you would.”

She shed her trousers, tossing them next to the berth, then settled back in next to Jim. She was fully, gloriously bare. Jim wanted to spend hours studying her, learning every tender inch of her body and finding all the places that made her sigh, or laugh, or shiver.

Jim’s eyes caught on the scarred flesh of her limb, which, though an old wound, was mangled and puckered. Jim wondered what had happened to her, all those years ago. Perhaps someday she’d ask.

Silver saw Jim looking and sketched a rueful smile. “Ugly, I know.” Her face was slightly guarded. 

Jim looked at her in surprise. “That’s not — it’s a part of you.” She shrugged. “I don’t think it’s ugly.”

Silver raised her eyes to the heavens. “By the powers, Jim, when you say things like that — you're too sweet by half, especially for a degenerate old sinner like me!” She shook her head.

Jim couldn’t help but kiss her again. It was love swelling in her chest, she knew it. Silver cupped her face tenderly as their mouths worked together.

Jim’s hand crept down Silver’s body — over her breast, down her stomach, to the dark, wiry hair between her legs. When she pulled back to look at Silver, her eyes were dark and intent. Jim blushed, and Silver’s face creased into a grin, teeth shining. She parted her legs slightly, and Jim touched her tentatively. Silver was slick under her fingers.

She let out a low, stunned noise, and Jim felt the shiver that ran through her body. “That’s it — just there, lass, that’s so good.”

Silver reached down to adjust the angle of Jim’s hand and hummed in pleasure. Jim trembled at the impossible tenderness that she felt for this woman.

“Like that?” Jim was watching her face, drinking in the almost-pained quirk of her brows, the tension in her jaw, the flicker of her dark eyelashes. 

“Perfect, Jim.”

Silver was beautiful under her, teeth bared, chest heaving with her frantic breaths. Jim couldn’t get enough of her, though her gaze roamed over Silver voraciously. She did her best to continue the movements that made Silver gasp and plead. Her hips rolled into Jim’s hand. Jim hadn’t known that her fingers, rough and ugly from work as they were, could make anyone feel like this.

“Hell, Jim—” She pulled Jim back into a kiss, teeth and tongue, pulsing with the same rhythm as her hips. Her messy breaths were loud against Jim’s lips. Jim kissed her with all her might. 

Silver groaned, a low sound that Jim could feel through her entire body, and her eyes fluttered closed. She surged like the ocean under Jim’s touch. Jim was warm all over with the affection she felt for her.

Once the tension had left Silver’s body, Jim traced a tentative hand across her hip to rest on her side. Silver cracked an eye open and smiled, a lazy, sated twist of her mouth. Jim curled up in her arms.

“Stay?” Silver murmured against Jim’s temple. Jim wasn’t sure if she meant _stay in bed with me,_ or _stay on the ship,_ or _stay forever,_ but her answer was the same regardless. She nodded and felt Silver’s lips curve against her skin.

——

Jim woke to the gentle creak of the ship and the slap of the waves against the hull. Silver was warm against her, still mostly asleep. Jim felt her heart squeeze as Silver shifted in her arms and pressed her face into the pillow. Jim brushed her messy, dark hair away from her face. She coveted this tender, pliant version of Silver — wanted to see her like this every day, wanted her all for herself.

Alas, she was needed on watch and couldn’t laze around. Jim extricated herself from Silver and brushed a kiss across her bare shoulder. Silver hummed and cracked an eye open and smiled. Jim felt like she was glowing with something new and bright and beautiful as she fetched a clean shirt and quietly slipped out of the cabin.

The journey back south would be slow; they were sailing against the prevailing winds and frequently had to adjust the sails. But Jim didn’t mind. She was happy just to enjoy the cool of the gentle breeze as the _Devil’s Reward_ pressed on through the waves.

From her perch aloft, she watched the sun rise on the horizon. For the first time in a long time, she could see a possible future stretching out before her. She could be who she was, without having to hide. She could explore this wonderful new thing with Silver. Though it wasn’t remotely where she thought she might end up, something about this new life that she was finding seemed inevitable, looking upon it all from up here.

Jim smiled. She felt hopeful at last, hopeful as the rosy dawn that bled across the ocean.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Windward Away. I highly, HIGHLY recommend the version by Julie Fowlis; it’s dreamy and utterly gorgeous.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
